Broken … but Loved As Is

As the slender needle slipped into my wrist, I felt an electric jolt travel through my palm and up into my thumb.

“Feel that?” the doctor asked?

“Mmmhmm.” I got out through clenched teeth.

I thought you weren’t supposed to feel the needles going in with acupuncture. At least that’s what I had read and what I had heard others say. I discovered for myself that this proved to be true more so for my back, but not so much for my hand and forearm.

Acupuncture Treatment

I was at the acupuncturist’s office because my carpal tunnel and arthritis in my right hand/wrist had started getting worse. Numbness had begun affecting my thumb and two fingers while working on the computer during the day, and numbness in my whole hand had started waking me up at night. I was also experiencing pain in my palm with various movements throughout the day.

The cortisone shots that the hand specialist had given me had worn off after only a month. The last shot I got from my orthopedic doctor had helped for a good six months. On top of that, my fibromyalgia was flaring up again (my shoulders and lower ribs felt tender and bruised). I knew it was time to try something else to alleviate the pains I was experiencing. So I thought I’d give acupuncture a shot.

Although, technically speaking, Chinese Medicine doesn’t treat “conditions,” it treats “patterns,” the doctor thought that she could help with my carpal tunnel. And the brochure said that acupuncture could help with arthritis and fibromyalgia as well. However, after half a dozen visits, I didn’t feel like it was making any difference, so I have decided not to go back. I plan to talk to my regular doctor as well as the hand specialist within the next couple of weeks to determine a new course of action. It’s possible that surgery might be on the agenda in the near future, but I don’t even know what my other options are at this point, so I will need their input to make that decision.


So … besides sharing a specific experience in my life, why am I writing this? How is it connected to the topic of spiritual whitespace that I have been writing about lately? Well, in Chapter 8 of Bonnie Gray’s book Finding Spiritual Whitespace: Awakening Your Soul to Rest, she shares her experience with insomnia. Some of her thoughts and words resonate with me and I think they might be useful for others who are currently experiencing various health issues as well.

Xxxxxx [insert your specific issue here] “is a soul’s journey to find rest. Self-care is one movement in that journey to make room for whitespace and fill it with rest. Self-care is a step of faith to take care of our body and soul.”

Sometimes we feel guilty or selfish focusing on ourselves; sometimes doing so requires us to make major life changes; sometimes we find that we have to ask others for help on our path toward healing.

“Every movement that gives your body a chance to heal gives your soul room to breathe. Prioritizing self-care is an act of faith to tune your heart with God.”

Nurture Your Voice

“When we care for our well-being, our hearts become tender. We become moveable. God can prompt us. Without whitespace, we become emotionally disconnected. …  Because the focus of God’s heart has always been your heart, self-care is really a soul’s journey to fully receive his love.

Here are some of the things I have discovered while reading this book and/or through my own personal journey:

  • I need to be kind to my body.  I need to begin taking my supplements more regularly again. I need to nourish my body with better foods. And I need to get back to exercising, even if it is just stretching and walking at first. (Bart tries to remind me of this, but ladies, you know how it makes you feel when your husband does this. Not good.) I found out about a yoga class that meets twice a week at the library; I am going to try to go to this, starting Monday.
  • I need to take time for friends and fun. Sharing our stories with others and allowing them to share theirs with us brings us deeper connections and friendships.  Surface friendships may help you get through the day, but “in-the skin” friends (those who can handle the weak, tired, or troubled you) help you get through life. Luckily, I have been able to make more time for friends and fun lately. So, I’m already on the right path there.

Reach for Joy

  • I need to remember to ask for help. I’m a pretty self-sufficient person most of the time. I enjoy helping others, but I don’t always feel like asking for help myself. Especially with my hand in a more sensitive state at the moment, I need to quit trying to act like there’s nothing wrong with it. Until I get more feedback from the doctors on what will help or hurt it, I have to stop lifting, turning, and gripping things as if there’s nothing wrong. I don’t want to make the problem worse. (Don’t worry Mrs. Avis, if I end up needing your help, I will call and ask you to come up.) 🙂 [ And thank you Bart for steam-cleaning the living room rug tonight.]
  • I need to seek the expertise of professionals and the will of God. Sometimes I try so hard to figure things out on my own when I really don’t have the knowledge or background to do so. I also forget to seek God’s answer and/or lack the patience to wait on a response. I read somewhere that sometimes God invites us into an encounter with Him and other times He waits for us to extend the invitation. I need to remember to ask and then to be still enough to allow God to speak to my heart. I am working on this, and will also be calling my primary care doctor this next week to get in to see him and consult with him.

“Even in the storm … God is alive and faithful to make something beautiful out of us. We don’t need to understand how it will happen, how he can carry us through … It doesn’t matter. … God won’t abandon us. … He’s carrying us in his arms, no matter how bruised or broken we feel. He’s planting beautiful seed for our journey … That seed is Jesus. Alive in us.”

Every time we invite Jesus directly into our situation, whenever we allow the seed of rest to grow in our lives and hope to triumph over despair, we are caring for our hearts and bodies and creating spiritual whitespace: space for self-care … space to be loved. As is.

BookArt4_brokenbeauty-300x300

“Hope is secure when it is aligned with God’s desires,
which are revealed in the Bible. However, our expectations
are often based on wishes, feelings, and personal preferences—
we yearn for job promotions, good health, or quick solutions
to problems. Such desires can be strong, but we have no
sure promise from God that they’re part of His will for us.
… Ask Him to clarify and direct your desires to coincide with His way.
Then rest in His goodness and keep your hope in Him.
(Dr. Charles Stanley)

Bonnie Gray is the writer behind FaithBarista.com. She wrote about her own heart-breaking but inspiring journey to find rest in Finding Spiritual Whitespace: Awakening Your Soul to Rest. I have found so many nuggets of insight and words of wisdom in this book. I invite you to read it and join me on the journey to rest.

You can get your own copy HERE.

21 Days of Rest: Finding Spiritual Whitespace

Day 10: Finding Spiritual Whitespace

Quiet doesn’t always mean silence. Quiet is a desire. A listening of the soul. To be available – vulnerable – asking – sharing questions – doubts – wants – needs.

Quiet is making room to receive.

Quiet moments can come when you least expect them.  They are fleeting glimpses – taps on your shoulder – to let you know God is whispering to you –

I am near.

I love you.

I am thinking of you.

Sharing more words today from Bonnie Gray’s blog post (Day10 of her 21 Days of Rest blog tour). Read more on the quest for rest by following the link to her blog or by picking up her book: Finding Spiritual Whitespace: Awakening Your Soul to Rest.

Fully Receive

Awakening our hearts … making room to fully receive … definitely some ideas to think about as we all attempt to get through our to-do lists and jam-packed schedules.

Why is it that we find it so hard to allow ourselves some time for quiet … stillness … peace … refreshment?

“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass
under the trees  on a summer’s day, listening to
the murmur of water, or watching the clouds
float across the blue sky, is by no means a waste of time.”
Sir John Lubbock, The Use of Life

Clouds

If you’re also reading Bonnie’s book, please share some of your favorite lines or you own discoveries. How is the book speaking to you? How are you making time for quiet and rest?

“The Lord your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.”
Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV)

21 Days of Rest: Finding Spiritual Whitespace

 

Day 8: Finding Spiritual Whitespace

If you’ve been following my blog lately, you know that I have been spending a lot of time with the book Finding Spiritual Whitespace: Awakening Your Soul to Rest by Bonnie Gray. Today, Bonnie’s day 8 post (of her 21 Days of Rest) gives some guidelines for “5 Ways to Pray When You’re Too Stressed.” I think this is something many of us will be able to relate to. We’ve prayed for patience; we’ve prayed for an end to our stressful situation; we’ve prayed for answers; we’ve prayed for our sad, wounded, angry, or fearful feelings to go away. Perhaps, at this point, we should consider praying for rest or maybe we could try resting in prayer.

Bonnie shares, “God is showing me prayer is an intimate soul conversation to be loved and known, rather than a spiritual transaction to be made better.” When she began having panic attacks, she said she “knew how to pray to be competent and strong. But I didn’t know there were deeper, [more] beautiful prayers for broken me.” On her journey to healing, Bonnie began making room for rest rather than ignoring her wounded and exhausted self. When you think you cannot go on another step as is, remember these words from Jesus:

 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened,
and I will give you rest.”
Matthew 11:28

1. When you are overwhelmed, simply whisper His name.

Jesus

2. When you don’t have words to pray, rest knowing Jesus is praying for you.

Silence

3. When you are too stressed to pray, take care of you.

Refreshing Our Souls

4. When you are numb and don’t want to pray, invite Jesus into your world.

The Innermost You

5. When you’re too exhausted to pray, stop, and rest.

Jesus Whispers

There is no situation you are in or no place where you find yourself where Jesus’ presence cannot reach you.

I hope one of these soulful ways to pray speaks to you where you are today. If you’d like to read more on these methods, check out an extension of Bonnie’s post, which appears on Margaret Feinberg’s blog. She is giving away three free copies of Finding Spiritual Whitespace. For a chance to win, leave a comment on her blog post. You’ll also find links to other articles on prayer by various blog writers there.

I encourage you to stay with me on the journey to finding your own spiritual whitespace.
21 Days of Rest: Finding Spiritual Whitespace

Dare to Dream and Do

When was the last time you lounged around on a deck or the beach or even on your couch, looking up at the sky, reading, napping, or catching up on your favorite TV shows? (We have two seasons of one show recorded that we still haven’t watched.) What about going on a hike or exploring a nearby town that you haven’t visited before? Heart Leaf

When was the last time you did nothing and enjoyed it? Doing nothing is not always nothing; sometimes it means you are caring for your soul. But doing something that brings you joy … now that is living. Think about it. What awakens your soul? What speaks to your heart?

Many of us get so bogged down in everyday life, we don’t make or take the time to pause or pursue our dreams—you know, the things that make us happy that we so often put on the back burner. As caretakers of others, we often move ourselves and our dreams to the bottom of the priority list in order to take care of all the other things that seem to be so important. Of course, some of them are … but, then again, so are we. I matter. You matter. Our happiness matters.

These words from Darling Magazine provide a good reminder: “No matter the season we’re at in life, we should also remind ourselves of the hobbies, dreams and aspirations that give us life. When you feel as though you’ve lost hope, intentionally choose to partake in the activities that bring you joy. Whether it be going on a nature walk, painting, playing tennis, sewing, [creating a fairy garden,] baking your favorite recipe or scrapbooking old photos, remind your heart that it can still experience joy and passion.”

Fairy Garden from Gallrein Farms

Fairy Garden created by Gallrein Farms, Shelbyville, KY

Thankfully, I am experiencing a rare slow period with my work and I have been able to spend a little more time this past month reading, writing, taking pictures, and working on crafts. It has been a time of rest and a time of fun! How sad that so many people seem to have forgotten what it feels like to have fun or what they would even do if they had time for fun.

In one of the books that I am reading: Finding Spiritual Whitespace: Awakening Your Soul to Rest, Bonnie Gray explains: “Just as beautiful art needs whitespace, we need … spiritual whitespace. Our souls need rest. … Spiritual whitespace makes room—room  in our hearts for a deeper, more intimate relationship with God, room in our lives for rest, room in our souls for rejuvenation.”

Blank Canvas

In thinking about my own spiritual whitespace, I am reminded of my “one word” for this year: happy. In my attempt to focus on and live this word, I am re-learning how to have fun—to embrace the gifts and the dreams that God gave me, to feed my soul, and offer up my words, photos, etc. in a way that honors those gifts and brings me joy. I am no longer simply dreaming of the things that make me happy; I am doing. In fact, I recently started a crafting Meetup group (Happy Scrappers) and this next month, we will be creating art journals. I plan to make mine a “one-word” journal using words, watercolors, chalk, magazine cutouts, photos, and who knows what else. It will be an ongoing process and a compilation of the things and moments that make me happy.

Art Journal

What dreams and joyful activities have you been forsaking?

Bonnie says, “Each time we reach for joy, we take the step of faith to say, ‘This is mine. My Father in heaven knows what I like and I’m learning to discover it too.’”

Join me in June as I take part in Bonnie Gray’s blog tour 21 Days of Rest: Finding Spiritual Whitespace

I’ll be posting some of my favorite quotes from her book with my personal photos to share with you. On some days, this will be the only thing I post. On others, I will share additional thoughts and photos with you. I hope the words and images that I share from my heart will touch and bless your heart.

Enjoy the Moment

Bonnie’s book Spiritual Whitespace: Awakening Your Soul to Rest releases Tuesday, June 3rd. If you order before then, you will receive some exclusive pre-launch bonus gifts.

On top of that, GoodReads is giving away five copies of her book. Click to enter by Tuesday, 6/3.

Bonnie Gray is the writer behind Faith Barista.com who wrote a book about her inspiring, heart-breaking journey to find rest, which garnered her a Publisher’s Weekly starred review. I’m taking the journey to find rest through this guidebook and invite you to read it too.  You can get a copy HERE.

Whitespace Community Linkup @ faithbarista.com